12ish Days Till Christmas – Consciousness

After a long day of switching between watching Netflix and reading/writing memos, I have just remembered that I didn’t have a post written for tonight. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to talk about so I’m just going to do a stream of consciousness because they can be pretty fun and entertaining.. I’m not sure this will be either of those things considering I’m a college student in the middle of finals week who hasn’t left her apartment for something other than groceries in almost a week. But we’ll see how this goes. I don’t think there will be much structure to this, just a bunch of thoughts but I’ll try and organize it a bit when I’m done writing.

I don’t even know where to start which is fitting because I suppose whenever I tell myself not to think I end up thinking about what I shouldn’t be thinking about and it all just gets very confusing in my head.

My roommate is making tea for me right now and I’m very grateful because I don’t have my mom here to make it for me so it’s like a little piece of home while I’m at school. Honestly, I’m not really looking forward to going home for break. I want to be done with the semester but I don’t want to go home. I’ve gotten into a mind set where sitting around with nothing to do is insufferable… which is just one reason this week has been so bad. I want to see my family and all I just don’t want to spend a month in my hometown with no car, nothing productive to do, nowhere to go, no money to spend, etc.

I probably shouldn’t be so negative right before Christmas but let’s be real negative thoughts don’t just magically disappear because it’s the holidays. That’s something I’ve had to work to come to terms with over the past few years. And look at that, we’re already somewhere I didn’t want to be. Mental health is a discussion for a different post.

Gina just brought my tea over and honestly I just love tea a whole lot. There’s just something so wonderful about getting cozy on the couch, under a nice fuzzy blanket, with a steaming cup of tea. I personally think it’s underrated. I’ve heard some people describe it as leaf water, which does sound kind of gross but tea is just great. And if you’re that person who doesn’t like tea, well I’m like 100% positive that there’s a tea out there for everyone and you just haven’t found the right one yet.

I’ve been at this for about 10 minutes and I’ve already been distracted by my phone, which I suppose is fitting considering this isn’t very entertaining and I’m not sure that anyone will read this.

I haven’t been reading a lot lately and it makes me sad. I used to be that kid that read books during recess in elementary school and now it just feels like I never have the time. I’m setting a goal next year to try and read 50 books but if I’m going abroad for a semester I don’t see how that’s possible, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

This is honestly crap and I’m not even sure if I’m going to publish it but I suppose I have to continue to make an effort in case I do. (Spoiler alert, it didn’t get any better. You should quit while you’re ahead.) I just had a thought but decided it was too gross to publish on the internet so we’re just going to skip over that one…

I always wonder who reads this blog honestly. When looking at my statistics I have readers in France, Germany, Italy, the UK, and I wonder how they even find this, or if it’s just a random bot elsewhere in the world. It would be cool to have an international influence though.

Now I’m thinking about going abroad again and it’s just really sad. American culture just seems so boring now. Like don’t get me wrong I love this country but change is good. I really don’t think I’ve gotten through a single post ever without mentioning study abroad. Maybe that will be my goal for the next one.

I have so many issues when I do stuff like this (not that I do it often) because I think faster than I can type/write and it gets frustrating because it feels like I’m thinking too much. But I suppose that’s not really possible considering our minds are literally never quiet. Alright, I’ve written two long blocks of text and I’ll get back to you in a minute to see if there’s anything worth sharing.

Before I do that though I’ve just had a thought about how weird consciousness is?? This is something I think about a lot. Perspectives on the world, how other people perceive things, how other people think, I guess it’s the existentialist in me but it’s fascinating to wonder about other people’s consciousness and perceptions.

I just read through this and kind of put it into paragraphs and it’s honestly so bad, it’s hardly coherent and I don’t think anyone will want to read this. I think I might publish it anyways because let’s be real, it’s my blog and I’m going to do what I want. Also I need to write some memos for Schmidt that are due on Monday so I don’t really have time to write another post with more thought put into it.

I’m not sure what I was trying to gain from this but it was kind of cool to not have to think so carefully about what I’m putting into writing. I love writing but it’s difficult to love something that is required for school. I could never enjoy writing about something I didn’t want to write about, especially if it’s a style of writing I’m not used to but stuff like this I really do find quite enjoyable.

I really think I was hoping to gain some philosophical truth about life or something but obviously that didn’t happen and this wasn’t very entertaining. Also, there is like a negative amount of organization but I suppose that’s one point behind doing something like this.. It’s just organic thoughts, no editing, not nothing. Just thinking. And with that, I leave you all tonight with the mess that constantly exists inside my head. I really hope it wasn’t too torturous to read and I applaud you if you’ve made it this far.

~Sarah Ann

My Last Post: 12ish Days Till Christmas – The Future

Brendan’s Last Post:¬†12 Days To Christmas – A Reading List

All 12ish Days Till Christmas posts

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